


to take your honey

by Like_A_Dove



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Robots & Androids, Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Androids, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben Solo is an android, Depressed Rey, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Loss of Virginity, Minor suicidal ideation, Protective Ben Solo, Recreational Drug Use, Rey is a Palpatine (Star Wars), Virgin Ben Solo, Virgin Rey (Star Wars), angst but it's soft, soft boi robot Ben, there will be some intense violence but it will be brief and not graphic, this is for the android fuckers out there, verbal and mild physical abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:00:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26806993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Like_A_Dove/pseuds/Like_A_Dove
Summary: "It does not have a name. It is model KR-400 and it is a machine.”Deciding to name grandfather's new android comes with consequences Rey is not wholly prepared for.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 292
Kudos: 558
Collections: Ijustfellintothissendhelp





	1. one

Rey wakes to the slamming of a car door. 

She jerks into a sitting position, heart beating quickly as she’s jolted from her dreams. She’d slept so deeply that her hair is sticking to her forehead with sweat. Her room is stuffy and, groaning, Rey forces herself out of bed to open the window.

The October air is cool and crisp, ruffling her sweaty hair. There used to be a time when Rey would have enjoyed something so simple.

She can’t quite remember the last time she truly enjoyed anything. 

Two men climb out of a sleek van with blacked out windows. They’re Brendol Hux and his awful son, the redhead who leers at Rey whenever he comes to the Palpatine house.

She vaguely recalls grandfather telling her that he was receiving a special gift today while they were eating dinner the night before. She’s overslept then, if the Huxes are already here. She won’t have time to shower and look presentable in the spare minutes she has to get downstairs to the foyer. Grandfather had requested she be there when he received his gift. Probably to show off. 

There’s a tendril of panic that curls up her spin; it always does when she realizes that she’s about to disappoint her grandfather. He is not a kind man when he is pleased with her, much less when he is displeased.

Rey rushes about her room throwing on clothes as quickly as possible. On her way to the bathroom connected to her room she pauses once more by the window. A third man she doesn’t recognize has gotten out of the van, bigger than both Brendol and his son. Rey wonders how big grandfather’s gift is, if it requires three grown men to carry it inside.

**

Grandfather is disappointed as soon as he sees her, and even though Rey expected it she feels her heart sink. 

“You look as if you just rolled out of bed, which of course I’m sure you did,” the ancient man bites out. Even though his bowed back has him hunching over his walking stick, Rey’s grandfather still seems miles taller than her. “You’ll embarrass me in front of—Brendol!”

The older Hux has graying hair, and Rey suspects it used to be as red as his son’s when he was young. He moves through the front door with a broad smile for grandfather, Armitage right behind him.

The third man trails after them both, politely closing the door behind him before coming to a stop in the middle of the foyer with the Huxes.

Rey takes him in, not really paying attention to the conversation grandfather and Brendol start to have. The third man is striking despite how casually he’s dressed, but neither he nor the other two men are carrying anything. Rey furrows her eyebrows, wondering where the gift—

The third man turns, steps forward and shakes grandfather’s hand. That’s when Rey notices it. The small ring of LED light on the third man’s right temple. It swirls yellow as he steps back into place after introducing himself, as he processes the information of his new environment. Of his new owner.

The third man is not a man at all.

“You bought an android?” Rey blurts out, and suddenly all eyes in the room swerve to her.

“Of course not.” Grandfather sounds appalled that she could even ask. He gives her a cold, cold look. Rey’s cheeks heat in embarrassment as Armitage Hux smirks at her.

Palpatine turns back to Brendol. “It is not beautiful like your other models.”

Rey is taken aback at this; it’s such a  _ rude _ thing to say so openly, but the android doesn’t react at all. He continues to watch grandfather with calm attentiveness.

“It is unique, not based on any pre-existing human model.” The older Hux falters a little at Palpatine’s unimpressed look. “I created it’s face myself.”

“Well, it is ugly.” Grandfather’s upper lip curls in slight distaste.

Rey is not like him in most ways, but she and grandfather do share the quality of saying unexpected things at unexpected times.

“I think he’s lovely.” Once again all eyes on the room are on her, including the android’s. He tilts his head a little, as if he is processing her for the first time.

Palpatine snorts, but his lack of amusement is clear. “If you want to fuck a piece of plastic, Rachel, I’m sure the local sex store can accomodate you.”

Rey sucks in a sharp breath at both the barb and the use of her “real name”, the foyer going deadly quiet until Brendol begins to speak again.

“It can do everything the latest FN-2187 model can do, and more. It’s three times as strong as your average man, it knows over two-thousand languages…”

Rey stops paying attention to what the older Hux is saying. The android is still watching her, but she can’t bear to meet his alert stare. There’s an awful prick of angry tears as she dwells on her grandfather’s crude comment, but she manages to fight them back with a steadying breath.

She was homeless three years ago, sixteen and dirty and hungry. But Maz and Chewie and Rose and old Ben, who worked at the local bar and would feed her sometimes, were her friends. And they cared about her, but even better than that they respected her.

Three years ago, if someone had spoken to her like grandfather just did, she would have punched them in the face. She would’ve punched them, then she would’ve gone to the fire escape she’d sleep in sometimes, if the stars were out and bright. Rey might not have had a home then, but she had loved herself.

Now she has a mini-fridge in her own bedroom and a mansion to live in, all because an old, rich man claiming to be her grandfather “finally found her”. She has a home now, far away from Jakku County and it’s gritty hardness. And yet Rey is more alone than she’s ever been. Her home isn’t so much a home as it is a shell of something that could be beautiful but very much is not. 

It hurts too much to try to love anything anymore.

Grandfather Palpatine steps forward and starts prodding at the android with his ornate walking stick, lips pressed into a thin line as he inspects his gift. The android is back to watching grandfather now, the light on his forehead still turning yellow.

“And it truly is a unique model?” Palpatine finally says, and both Brendol and his son look a bit relieved. It seems as if grandfather is going to accept their guilt.

Brendol nods vigorously. “Of course. After your sizeable contribution to our company we could only give you the best HuxTech has to offer.”

Grandfather is quiet for a moment as he circles around the android one last time. He finally gives a single nod of approval. “Very well.”

The men begin to talk the finalities, and Rey opens and closes her mouth several times, debating whether or not it’s worth it to speak again while grandfather is conducting business. The android seems to notice her uncertainty, gaze swiveling back to her. His eyes are brown, Rey notes.

She takes a deep breath, deciding, before asking, “What’s his name?”

At that, all three of the human men laugh at her.

“It doesn’t have one,” Armitage supplies, speaking to her as if she is a stupid child. “It is model KR-400. It is a machine.”

**

Rey stays in her room for most of the day after the android is delivered, lounging on her bed and trying to concentrate on her studies unsuccessfully. For dinner, she makes a sandwich out of the bread and peanut butter she keeps under her bed - an old habit. Grandfather doesn’t seem to be angry that she skipped out on coming downstairs to eat with him, a small mercy.

But she does eventually leave her room, late at night when most of the house is dark, to get laundry out of the dryer. It’s technically from the day before and she had forgotten about it. She tiptoes out of her bedroom and down the stairs, careful to make as little noise as possible. Waking grandfather after he’s already fallen asleep for the night…

Rey has been punished for less.

She moves quietly toward the back of the house where the laundry room is located, and is surprised to find the light on and the android in the room. He’s wide awake and alert and  _ hulking _ , now that Rey is getting a good look at him outside of the main foyer. He’s folding her clean laundry, she realizes with a start, large hands handling her—

“Um!” She darts forward and snatches a lacier pair of underwear out of his hands. She promptly hides it behind her back, which makes no sense considering the android has already seen and  _ touched _ them.

She gestures with a jerk of her head toward the basket of half-folded clothes. “I, uh, can fold my own delicates, thanks.”

The android stares down at her, unblinking. “Doing the laundry is part of the service list your grandfather provided.”

Rey gapes because—because she’s never heard him speak before but his voice is just as lovely as the rest of him, she immediately decides. Deep, and comforting. It reminds her of something, evokes a feeling she maybe felt long ago. So long ago it could even be from a dream.

“But if you wish for me to not wash, dry, and fold your bras and lingerie and—”

“Yeah, yeah, um, I wish for that!” Rey laughs nervously, quickly grabbing the laundry basket with the rest of her delicates from where it’s sitting on top of the dryer. “No one needs to see my period stained underwear but me.”

She instantly wishes for death.

The android stares at her for a long moment, the light on his temple ever yellow, before his eyes flick to the ceiling then back to her. “The vast majority of human women have period stained underwear, according to a survey conducted by—”

“We don’t have to have this conversation,” Rey smoothly interrupts.

“Very well.” The android’s mouth curves a little into a polite smile. “It is a pleasure to finally make your acquaintance, Rey. I look forward to serving your grandfather as well as yourself. Would you like me to escort you back to your bedroom?”

Rey stares at him.

The android stares back.

“I did not mean that sexually,” he clarifies matter-of-factly.

“Okay. Well.” Rey clears her throat. “No thank you, um…” She shakes her head, flustered. “What’s your name?”

The android tilts his head at her. On a human the look would be a curious one. But on him it is slightly  _ other _ , as if he is simply processing information he wasn’t expecting to receive. “Perhaps you did not hear earlier, but I do not have a name. My model number is KR-400.”

“Many androids have names,” Rey argues.

“And many more do not. We are machines.”

“Fine,” Rey snaps. Something about his tone makes her feel prickly. She turns and strides a few paces out of the laundry room before turning back sharply. “You not having a name is fucking stupid.”

The android frowns slightly, the light on his temple still spinning yellow. Processing, always fucking processing.

“I’m going to call you—I’m going to call you Ben.” She thinks of kindly old Ben who’d give her spare change and sing her songs, back when she didn’t have a home. It’ll do.

The android—Ben—watches her closely for a long time before he nods ever so slowly. “Ben,” he repeats, confirming in that deep voice of his. 

“Is that okay?” Rey asks, realizing that maybe she’s being incredibly rude by picking out his own name for him.

“Yes.”

Rey nods, shoulders relaxing a little as she backs a few more steps into the darkness of the rest of the house. “Goodnight then, Ben.”

“Goodnight, Rey.”

And the light on his temple flickers blue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The world is fucking garbage so this is my kind of sort of monster fic for Spooky Season! All the lore is being pulled straight from Detroit: Become Human, which is a fucking incredible narrative game I encourage you all to check out.
> 
> You can follow me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/LikeADove_) and [tumblr](https://likeadove.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> If you're liking this so far, please make sure to drop a comment and let me know! Feedback keeps this fanfic author thriving ^.^


	2. two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've added a couple of new tags so please mind them!

Rey avoids the android for several weeks.

At first she convinces herself she’s  _ not _ avoiding him. She’s simply busy in her room at all times doing...whatever she can think of that’s a reasonable excuse to stay in her room. Like watching too much reality TV and eating Cheetos.

But eventually a reason arises for her to take a trip outside of the mansion altogether.

Rey eats a Sunday Brunch in the dining hall with grandfather when she decides to bring it up. She tries to ignore the way Ben the android serves their meal, placing beautiful, mouthwatering plates of eggs benedict and waffles in front of both her and grandfather. But she fails, instead catching herself watching the way the muscles in his forearms strain a little as he places down dishes and pours water and orange juice. She also notices that only two places are set; one for her and one for Grandfather Palpatine.

She knows, of course, that androids do not have to physically eat. But it’s still very odd that Ben goes and stands in the corner of the dining room after serving them, looking not at all bothered that he can’t partake in the meal with them.

Rey makes it two bites into her waffles before she has to say something.

“You could sit by me, if you want.” She can’t quite bring herself to look at Ben when she says this, but it’s obvious who she’s speaking to.

“Don’t be absurd, Rachel.” Grandfather also doesn’t look up from his brunch. “What will a machine gain by sitting with humans at a dining table?”

_ Companionship _ is right on the tip of Rey’s tongue. She almost says it but chickens out at the last second. Grandfather would only rebuke it.

Besides, machines do not make good companions. They’re just as grandfather said - machines.

Still, Rey finds herself turning in her chair to peer at Ben. She expects to find him looking ahead of himself as he waits to clear the table, or looking at grandfather to make sure the ancient man doesn’t choke on his own saliva.

But instead Ben is looking right at her.

Rey can’t see the other side of his temple where his LED wheel is located, but she expects it’s yellow. She hasn’t seen it flash blue since his first evening here, when they spoke in the laundry room.

Ben is certainly looking at Rey as if she’s something to be processed right now.

It unnerves her, his brown gaze. She can’t tell if it’s because they hold too much or too little. If they’re vacant or brimming. At this point she isn’t sure which would unsettle her more, so she quickly turns back to her waffles.

Several minutes go by in silence. Rey finishes her first waffle before putting down her fork and looking empeechingly at grandfather.

“My poetry class is offering extra credit if I write a research paper on a poet that we aren’t covering over the semester. I was hoping I could go to the bookstore tomorrow to get the poetry book I need.” Rey tries very very hard to keep her voice from trembling.

Grandfather still doesn’t look up from his meal. “Can’t you order these things from the internet?”

Rey swallows. “Yes, o-of course you can. But then I would have to wait a couple days for them to be delivered, and I’d like to start on the project tomorrow, if possible.”

Finally grandfather looks up at her and gives her his attention. He scrutinizes her, lifting a napkin with his right hand to dab at the corner of his mouth. For a sick old man he still manages to make her all but cower with anxiety and fear. And now, with Ben here, there isn’t a hair out of place on his head or ill fitting clothes on his body. Now grandfather will look immaculate every time he harasses her. 

Grandfather Palpatine sniffs, leaning back in his chair and regarding her. He deems to smile at her, and it gives Rey a shiver of chill.

“Very well, Rachel. You can go on your errand tomorrow. The android will accompany you.”

The fantasy afternoon Rey had of going to the bookstore by herself, window shopping, grabbing a coffee, it begins to abruptly fade from her head. “But I don’t need him to—”

“ _ It _ will accompany you, keep you from embarrassing me in public when I’m not there to watch you. And  _ it _ will be happy to do so, won’t you RN?”

“Of course, sir.”

It’s the deep voice that has Rey looking at the android again. His gaze is still fixed on her, as if he never looked away. She feels her heart start to pound, although she isn’t sure why. She can’t even be fully disappointed that her day out with herself is gone.

Grandfather, who still hasn’t spared a look for the android throughout the whole meal, tucks back into his brunch. “Well, that’s that.”

**

“Ms. Palpatine, I must insist that I drive.”

“No.”

“If I drive, statistically speaking we are eight times less likely—”

“I’m driving.”

“In the service list provided by your grandfather, I am to drive the care whenever we have need to leave—”

“Yeah, maybe you’re supposed to drive  _ him _ around. Search that service list again, bucko. I bet there’s nothing about driving  _ me _ around.”

A long pause. “It seems you are not wholly incorrect.”

“I’ve annoyed you, haven’t I?”

“No. I am a machine. I cannot be annoyed.”

A giggle. “Your eyebrow just twitched.”

Pointed silence.

“Don’t worry, Ben. I’m a great driver. I won’t kill us.”

**

People stare at her and Ben when the two of them exit their vehicle and begin to walk about the shopping center, and they’re all staring at the same thing.

Ben, dressed in a seasonably and professionally appropriate button up shirt and slim-legged slacks, has ANDROID embedded by the collar of his shirt. The word is bright, lit up within the fabric of the shirt itself, proclaiming to everyone who and what Ben is.

It is illegal for androids not to wear one.

And people aren’t really staring at Ben because he’s an android. The HuxTech androids have been a part of human society for at least a dozen or so years. But no android looks like Ben. Large and tall, with purpose in his stride, he looks more like a hired bodyguard than an android in servitude.

And considering how close Ben stays to Rey, him being her ‘bodyguard’ wouldn’t be an entirely inaccurate assumption.

She leads them into the bookstore, a smaller and less kept bit of the shopping center, but easily the most welcoming and unique. Rey is on a first name basis with Kaydel, the young woman who has been running the cash register ever since Rey became a regular.

Kaydel begins eagerly waving at Rey the moment she steps inside the shop. Some of the cashier’s enthusiasm drains a bit when she sees Ben, however.

Rey kindly decides to explain who Ben is instead of keeping Kaydel guessing. “Kaydel, this is Ben. He was a gift from HuxTech to my grandfather and now he’s...here with me.”

Kaydel nods slowly, pretty eyes wide as she takes in the massive android hovering over Rey’s shoulder. “Uh. Hi.”

Ben murmurs a polite ‘hello’ in return, LED light on his forehead churning yellow as he sweeps his eyes over the slightly cluttered but merchandise packed store. He even manages a soft flash of a smile for Kaydel, mostly to avoid rudeness.

“So, anyway.” Kaydel finally tears her gaze from Ben back to Rey, and her excited grin promptly returns to her face. “I saved you a copy of the next issue!”

Rey positively squeals in delight, joy erupting across her face as she hurries up to the register. Rey can’t really remember the last time she’s felt so excited for something, and the muscles in her cheeks are already aching. As Kaydel grabs the latest issue of  _ Leia: Warrior Princess of Alderaan  _ and slides it to her, Rey honest-to-god has to keep tears from slipping out of her eyes. Her gaze is hazy enough as it is.

“Leia looks so fucking cool!” Rey exclaims, Kaydel nodding vigorously in agreement. Princess Leia is on the cover of the latest issue, duel lightning swords clutched in her hands and a fearsome expression on her face. The heroine’s hair is, as always, twisted and falling in elaborate braids around her head and down her back. 

_ I wish I could trade places with her _ , Rey thinks. _ She would have found her freedom by now. _

**

“Go find a poetry book for me.”

There’s a first time for everything, and this is the first time Rey has seen Ben the android look mildly panicked. Rey has settled herself into the reading area of the bookstore, a fresh cup of coffee in hand from the adjoining coffee shop.

“I’m sorry?” He tips his head to the side, feigning confusion, although Rey knows he heard her just fine.

“Go find me a book of poetry for me to take home. I can’t go home without proof that I supposedly have a project to work on.” She takes a careful sip of her scalding coffee and makes a motion with her hand. “I honestly don’t care what you pick.”

The android’s eyes are wide. “You...didn’t originally come here for the poetry book?”

Rey laughs a little before gesturing to the brand new comic book spread open in her lap. “Obviously not. Grandfather would’ve never let me come here if he knew it was just to pick up a comic book.”

Ben’s eyes are still wide as he stares down at her, and Rey feels a twinge of alarm. Ben’s brain is technically an extremely advanced computer. He could be sending a message to grandfather right now, revealing her deception. Ben could even send grandfather clips of his own memory, of Rey herself saying she lied about why she wanted to go to the bookstore.

Rey doesn’t want to cry, and she presses her lips together and pulls in a deep breath to contain her composure. She peers up at Ben imploringly. “Please don’t tell him.”

Ben continues to watch her intensely for several more moments, before turning and stalking further into the store without a word.

**

The android returns to stand by the side of her chair in less than ten minutes. He places the book in her lap on top of the comic she’s reading.

_ The Essential Neruda: Selected Poems _

Rey furrows her eyebrows, flipping to the back of the book and glancing at the synopsis; she’s never heard of this poet. Maybe they’ve covered him in her poetry class, but Rey only pays enough attention to scrape by. She had wanted to study astro-physics, but grandfather felt that wouldn’t be useful for the future he has planned for her.

She looks up at Ben, who is calmly watching her. “Any particular reason behind this choice?”

“I picked it randomly.”

Rey scoffs, doubting this but not wanting to argue with a fucking android.

It seems like he’d happily argue right back too.

“Ms. Palpatine,” Ben continues, “we are due back at the mansion in about an hour. I must implore you to allow me to drive the car this time.”

Groaning, Rey stands, letting the comic and book slip to the chair. She stretches her arms over her head, revealing a slip of bare stomach. Rey rolls her shoulders, then grabs up the comic and book and motions for Ben to begin moving toward the front door.

He is watching her, as always. LED light turning yellow, as always.

“We still have a little time for me to sit in the park and finish my comic. It’s getting  _ really _ fucking good, too. Leia just ran into her love interest, Han Solo. The two have been flirtatious enemies since the first issue and I’m  _ dying _ to see what happens next.”

Ben looks like maybe he wants to argue, to point out that they’re technically supposed to go to the store then return to the mansion. This is odd to Rey because usually androids aren’t so emotive. Usually they’re more...well, passive.

But instead Ben nods, staying as close to Rey as ever as she exits the bookstore with a wave to Kaydel and a promise to text. 

Maybe, just maybe this time grandfather will actually let her contact someone Rey  _ wants _ to speak to, not just someone grandfather has already approved. Maybe.

These are the small hopes that Rey likes to give herself.

**

The sturdy bark of an oak tree in the park is a comfort for Rey. The wind, which has whipped Rey’s hair out of her traditional buns, is not so much a comfort.

She finally lets out a huff of aggravation, laying the comic gently to the side on the ground and grabbing for her hair.

“Motherfucking fuck fuck  _ fuck _ .” The wind makes this extra difficult; there must be a storm coming. Rey manages to get the top bun sitting half-hazardly on her head, but trying to form the second bun is taking much longer than it should.

If only grandfather would allow her to wear her hair down.

“Would you like me to braid it?”

That deep voice of his. That deep voice that makes Rey shudder; she gives up on trying to form the second bun. She exhales and sways a bit as she looks up at him. He appears calm and alert and determined, wondrous against the backdrop of the stormy sky.

“What do you mean?” Rey’s voice sounds small.

The android jerks his head toward where Rey has placed her _ Leia _ comic. “I could give you Princess Leia’s braids, if you’d like.”

Rey laughs a little, although it has no humor. “You can’t just look at a comic book cover and then just  _ do it _ ...you’d need to…”

She trails off at the way Ben is regarding her. 

Rey realizes Ben  _ can _ do that, actually.

It would definitely be different than grandfather’s approved buns but...technically her hair would still be up. And the idea of having Leia’s 

braids on her head, the idea of Ben sitting so close to her, outweigh what might happen with grandfather when they get back. Biting her bottom lip, she slowly nods. “Okay. Yeah that should be...okay.”

She moves forward a bit so that Ben can place himself behind her against the oak tree. He feels just as solid behind her as the bark did and Rey feels her fingers begin to tremble with nerves.

“Do you have a comb or a brush in your purse?” The question is polite but his mouth is much closer to her ear than it’s ever been. His voice seeps into her and she straightens up, every part of her body feeling alive. She wordlessly looks through her purse and grabs a brush she keeps in a small pocket. When she hands it to him his fingers brush her own.

Rey turns her head, eyes Ben from over her shoulder. “Your skin is warm.”

The android blinks at her. “I have my environmental temperature settings turned on. It can be off putting for machines so humanoid to be cold to the touch.”

“Oh.”

“Would you like me to turn them off?” He sounds hesitant and sort of like he doesn’t want to, which is strange. Androids don’t  _ want _ anything. Not truly.

But Rey quickly shakes her head. She turns to face forward. “No. I like that you’re warm.

**

Ben is gentle with Rey’s hair.

Rey doesn’t know why she’s so shocked by this but she just thought he’d be more...methodical.

That he would handle her hair and her head practically. She’s sure her safety is part of the service grandfather expects from Ben. The offer to braid her hair was a surprise, sure, but she thought he’d do it quickly and they’d be on their way.

Instead Ben takes his time running his fingers through her hair, getting out every tangle and knot. When he starts to brush it he goes slowly, as if her head is too precious to be jostled. He sections her hair out precisely and thoughtfully before he begins the braiding. To her amazement, he doesn’t need to have the  _ Leia  _ comic out so that he can reference the cover. He just does it, his large fingers agile as they begin to twist out the braids. 

He is...reverent with her. Yes, as soon as the word pops in Rey’s head it sticks with her. Ben’s hands are soft as they brush her neck.

Rey is struck with sudden homesickness. Back when she lived in Jakku County and had people that actually gave a shit about her, Maz would do her hair sometimes. They’d sit in the office of the Takadona pub and Maz would brush Rey’s hair until it shone.

Rey had felt so loved, then.

And now here she is, years later, feeling an echo of that love from an android who is only really braiding her hair because she isn’t supposed to wear her hair down in public, according to grandfather. But an echo is better than nothing at all, so Rey leans back into Ben, leans into this faux feeling of companionship.

But then it’s done and Ben is tapping her shoulder before standing up.

He holds out a hand and helps Rey stand to her feet, picks up her book and comic from the ground.

The light on his temple is blue. Soft and calming.

Rey wonders if it was blue the whole time he was touching her.

**

Grandfather Palpatine is furious with Rey the moment she walks through the front door.

“What is  _ that _ on your head?” he drawls.

It’s the calm way he asks that instantly has Rey on edge. She realizes immediately her mistake. She should have never let Ben braid her hair, it was always going to be too elaborate for grandfather’s taste.

Swallowing thickly, Rey says, “It’s just a braid. My hair came down and I just thought—”

“You look like a fool.”

Out of the corner of her eye she sees Ben open his mouth and Rey knows, she just  _ knows _ that if grandfather finds out that Ben braided her hair it will be  _ bad _ .

“I saw it on the cover of a comic at the bookstore.” Rey is practically stumbling over her words in her haste to get them out. “It was windy and my buns kept coming loose, so I thought it would be fun to replicate the braid I saw. B-Uh, the android told me that it would be improper.”

Grandfather’s head whips toward Ben, who still hasn’t spoken. “You couldn’t keep a woman from doing her own hair?”

“It wouldn’t have looked very good for a unique android model to physically restrain a Palpatine from doing her hair in a bookstore.” The statement snaps out of Rey’s mouth so fast it makes her feel a little light headed.

And now she’s earned grandfather’s undivided attention once more. His eyes are ice cold, demanding. Cruel and stubborn.

Rey begins to slowly undo the beautiful braids on her head. Her hair seems to wilt as it comes loose about her face, and Rey understands the sentiment. It feels like she herself is wilting because she knows exactly what’s coming.

As soon as grandfather stands Rey’s heart begins to pound.

“You,” grandfather addresses Ben. “Stay quiet and still. Watch what happens when someone chooses to disrespect me. Do you understand?”

“Yes sir.” Ben stands up straight and stock still, but those brown eyes of his swerve to find Rey. There’s too much in them, she decides at that moment. They’re not vacant at all. And suddenly, so brief Rey isn’t sure she just imagined it, but his LED light gives off a burst of red.

Grandfather Palpatine motions with his cane for Rey to come forward. “Come here, Rachel.”

And she does, because where else can she go? This is her family. This is her home. It’s supposed to be. 

But Rey thinks about Maz brushing her hair as she steps up to him. She thinks about Ben’s hand against her neck.

**

Rey hides in her room after.

She is...sore. Of course she is sore. She is always sore after grandfather’s punishments.

She finally finishes reading her  _ Leia _ comic in a daze, then rummages around in her nightstand for her stash of strong painkillers she keeps on hand for times like these.

She pops a couple and then leans against her headboard, wincing at the deep pain lancing through her shoulder and back. She could get online, check the news, watch one of her reality shows.

But Rey is exhausted. And numb.

And the pills are making her not care as much, which is always nice.

She summons Ben by touching a button on her phone. There’s a knock on her door a couple minutes later and Rey hobbles from her bed to her door to answer it.

Ben is expressionless when she opens the door. Rey isn’t sure what to make of that. But whatever, she’ll analize that later.

“Will you…” God, she grasps at the doorframe to steady herself and then there is a large hand on her good shoulder and a beautiful, lovely face right before her own.

“Ms. Palpatine, are you alright?”

“Don’t call me that!” she bites out. She forces herself to straighten up, to appear strong even though she feels like crumbling. “That’s not my fucking name, okay? My name is Rey.”

Her shoulder throbs and she’s leaning against the doorframe again. “Now, will you please run me a bath?”

**

Rey has popped another painkiller. Which wasn’t an amazing idea, but the bright pain coming from her shoulder where grandfather had hit her with his cane has finally dulled a little. Everything about her physical body has dulled a little.

She watches raptly as Ben moves about her huge bathroom, much larger than any one person could need. He turns on the water, LED light circling yellow on his temple as he fusses over how hot the water is and which bath bomb to use.

When the fresh towels and wash clothes are laid out, when everything is ready, Ben gently takes her by the elbow and leads her into the bathroom in front of the massive tub. 

“Your bath...Rey.”

And Rey, who wants everything and nothing, who has everything and nothing, turns to Ben and asks: “Would you bathe me?”

The android is quiet for a long time. Rey knows he’s bathed grandfather before, as the old fuck technically requires a caretaker. She expects him to say yes instantly, to be efficient and cooperative.

But instead the machine is silent for a long, long time before he says a hushed  _ yes _ . 

Rey’s breaths come out shaky as she nods, stepping up to the tub and dropping her pajama shorts and underwear quickly. She’s not so much worried about her nudity; she’s not ashamed of her body. But she all but cries out in pain when she moves to pull her shirt over her head.

Ben’s hands are there to help. He tugs the shirt gently up over her head and then, without hesitation, unhooks her bra and helps her push it off her shoulders.

His hands do not linger over the horrific bruise that’s already forming where grandfather struck her hours before, but Rey can feel the android’s eyes on it all the same.

Shaking, Rey lowers herself into the hot bathwater. The heat has her melting in the tub, encasing her with a simple sense of safety and cleanliness. She could shed a tear over how nice this is, how wonderful this bath is.

But it gets better.

Ben takes a clean washcloth in one of his massive hands and dips it into the bathwater, sudsing it up before he begins to ever so softly rub it over her good shoulder.

It’s too silent, however.

“Recite a poem to me.”

He pauses. “What poem would you like to hear?”

“Tell me one from the book you picked out earlier. I know you said you picked it at random but i don’t believe you.”

Ben is so silent as he runs the cloth over her good shoulder that Rey thinks he’s actually going to ignore her.

He suds up the cloth again and begins to run it against Rey’s neck. “I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz, or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.”

He circles the cloth over the back of her neck, soapy bathwater dripping down between her shoulder blades and along her spine. “I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret. Between the shadow and the soul.”

Ben hesitates only briefly before he begins to circle the cloth over Rey’s bare breasts. They heave under his touch and Rey wonders what it would be like if the android tossed the cloth to the side and just  _ touched _ her.

He continues speaking, gaze trained to her chest. “I love you as the plant that never blooms but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers.”

Ben dips between Rey’s legs for only a moment, just to clean her, just to bathe her like she asked. But Rey gasps at the contact, arching her back in the tub and staring at the android.

He looks thoughtful, and he doesn’t glance at her as he begins to rub the cloth over her legs. “Thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance, risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.”

When those brown eyes finally do find Rey again, something in them makes something spark deep inside her. He traces the sudsy washcloth around her ankles gracefully.

“I love you without knowing how, or when, or where from. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride.” He places her feet back into the steamy bathwater. His hair is beginning to stick to his forehead because of the humidity of the bathroom.

Rey has the inexplicable urge to pull him into the bath with her. To get his hair wet. To get  _ him _ wet. To splash him and make him smile and to  _ play _ .

He wrings out the washcloth when he’s done, but he looks right at her as he continues the poem. “So I love you because I know no other way than this, where I does not exist, nor you.”

He helps her stand, bathwater gushing down from her shoulders in rivulets between her breasts, done her flat stomach and toward the soft bit of hair covering her cunt.

Ben has seen her now, all of her.

He wraps a fluffy towel around her before he finishes the poem. “So close that your hand on my chest is my hand. So close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.”

Content, Rey stands in the middle of her bathroom, still wet and wrapped in a towel. Ben drains the tub and tosses the washcloth into the laundry hamper.

Her shoulder is causing too much pain for her to dry off properly, so he helps her. Pats her down so sweetly.

“That was a pretty poem,” she says.

Ben looks at her from where he’s patting down her bad shoulder with extra caution. “Yes, it is,” he agrees simply.

“Is it your favorite?”

“I am a machine, Rey. I can't have a favorite.”

Rey huffs out a laugh, the painkillers making her feel loose and relaxed. She reaches up and places a hand on his shoulder. She gives him a tranquil smile as she peers up at him. He takes her in, LED light flickering between yellow and blue.

“Thank you for bathing me, and for reciting the poem.” She gives his shoulder a grateful squeeze, admiring the strength of him underneath her palm.

Three times stronger than the average man, and yet he’d bathed her so kindly.

“Of course, Rey.”

He helps her back to her bedroom, hand at the small of her back in order to keep her steady.

But he could have touched her elbow for that.

Ben helps her into a clean oversized t-shirt and some underwear. He doesn’t seem at all affected by her nudity and Rey wonders if he’s hiding his reactions or if he really doesn’t care.

Something to ponder.

In a haze caused by painkillers and a good bath, Rey curls up in bed. She grabs Ben’s hand before he can leave.

“Do you think someone will ever love me like the person in the poem loves?”

Ben doesn’t hesitate with his answer. “Yes. Goodnight, Rey.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so thrilled by all the lovely responses I've gotten for this story so far! I'm glad to see so many other android fuckers out there 😉
> 
> The book of poetry and poem Ben recites for Rey while she's bathing is by Pablo Neruda. We'll be seeing more of his work pop up in this story. Ben definitely has a favorite that he hasn't revealed yet...
> 
> Times are crazy, so I hope this chapter made you feel a little soft. I'm really excited by this story and hope y'all are too! Please make sure to leave a comment letting me know your thoughts! Comments mean the world and I read every single one 💜
> 
> I have [twitter](https://twitter.com/LikeADove_) and [tumblr](https://likeadove.tumblr.com/)


	3. three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please mind the tag additions!

It’s nearly two weeks before grandfather allows Rey to leave the house again. She does the bare minimum for her online classes, watches the bruises slowly fade from her back and shoulder. She languishes in her room.

She thinks about the android when she touches herself.

She sits at her window, wonders if leaping from it would be like a bird flying out of an opened cage.

She helps Ben cook a couple of meals, watches attentively as he darts about the kitchen with inhumane speed. Rey loves the food he makes for them, especially the sweets. Ben starts to bake more after she eats a whole sweet potato pie in one go. 

Rey convinces herself it’s just because he’s being an attentive android. 

Toward the end of the second week she finds someone has jammed her window shut.

**

Perhaps Grandfather Palpatine is in a good mood over breakfast. Perhaps he’s high off the medications he has to take. Perhaps, maybe, deep down, he does love her in his own way.

“You need fresh air, Rachel. You’re looking pale.” Grandfather states this to his honeyed oatmeal, as if Rey isn’t important enough to look at while he’s talking to her. “You can accompany the android while he does the shopping.”

These moments with grandfather, the moments where he isn’t cruel to her, are perhaps the times Rey hates him the most.

It’s sad, really, the way Rey’s face lights up just a little bit anyway at the prospect of leaving the mansion. She casts a glance at Ben, who is standing in the corner as he always does during meals. He is watching the both of them, eyes darting back and forth as he processes the situation.

“I...I get to leave for the day?” Rey’s spoon drops into her own bowl of oatmeal, sitting up straighter in her chair in excitement.

Finally Grandfather Palpatine lifts his gaze to her, eyes icy and calculating. “Yes, and you will dress nicely and look presentable. Don’t come back looking like a fool again.” He peers at her, and Rey forces herself not to make herself small under his scrutinization. “I’ll send some funds to your account so you may make a few purchases for yourself, but do not embarrass me or our name. Do you understand me, Rachel?”

“Yes, grandfather.”

“Very well, enjoy your day.”

Then grandfather returns to his breakfast.

This is why Rey hates him.

It’s these glimpses that gut her the most. Of what her life could be like if her grandfather actually held any kind of love for her. It’s these moments where he transforms into the long lost, stern but fair caretaker Rey thought she might have when he found her as a teen, that make her insides twist up.

Because it’s not real in the end. It’s just a small bone, thrown to give her a taste of what her life could be, could have been.

A taste of love.

A taste of hope.

But grandfather will be horrible to her tomorrow, Rey knows this deep down. Her hopes that things will be different will be dashed and the spark of love toward her grandfather will wither away again.

But Rey squares her shoulders and picks up her spoon anyway. Before she goes back to eating she looks at Ben, who is gazing at her intently. His LED light is blue.

She feels a sudden warmth, and despite grandfather, despite this cage she’ll have to come back to, Rey will indeed enjoy her day.

**

Grocery shopping with Ben is a wonderful experience for Rey and a deeply exasperating one for him.

Or at least, Rey thinks it would be if Ben could technically feel.

“Rey, we cannot get four boxes of Cocoa Pebbles.”

They’re in the cereal aisle. “Of course we can.”

“Those are not on my list.”

“Who cares.” Rey positions the boxes of cereal by the bags of potatoes and apples and fresh greens Ben has painstakingly picked out. And then she eyes the Unicorn Cotton Candy Crunch sitting gloriously on the top shelf. She stands on her tip-toes to reach it, the pure sugar rush of serotonin.

Ben calmly grabs the box she was reaching for and hands it to her. “I am not purchasing this.”

Rey gleefully puts it next to the Cocoa Pebbles.

**

When they pass by the electronics section the whole day seems to shift on its axis.

The TV’s on display are wide and nearly weightless, and they show the clearest images. Which is why Rey stares openly at the TV showing the news. She can hardly believe what she’s seeing.

An FN-2187 model is sitting in a news studio, being casually interviewed by Amilyn Holdo. What makes Rey gape is the way he’s slouched a little, the more casual clothes he’s wearing, that there is no ANDROID by the collar of his shirt announcing what he is. The LED wheel by his temple has also been removed. If he wasn’t such a known android model he could’ve easily passed for a college student.

Rey is glued to the screen.

The FN-2187 model is smiling at Holdo, nervous but...sincere.

“You’ve stirred up a lot of controversy with your videos,” Holdo begins, folding her hands in her lap. “Your first one with you announcing your name has over eighty-million views. How does that make you...feel?” Holdo is tiptoeing around implying that he cannot feel at all. It makes Rey cringe.

The android takes it in stride. “I mean, it’s pretty crazy that so many people care that my name is Finn. But my name  _ is _ Finn. It  _ was _ FN-2187 but that’s not who I am. Not anymore. I am alive.”

And Finn gazes at someone who is clearly standing off camera, his eyes soft and full of love.

And Rey believes it with her whole heart, that Finn the FN-2187 android loves whoever he’s looking at.

When she finally rips her eyes from the screen she sees that Ben is right behind her, knuckles white where he’s gripping the shopping buggy. He’s staring at the television, LED wheel flying between red and yellow. He’s completely rigid, brown eyes wide.

Rey gently touches Ben’s elbow, gives it a light squeeze.

And Ben seems to melt back into a relaxed stance. His LED wheel goes to yellow, flickers blue briefly when he looks at Rey, then settles again to yellow.

“Come on,” Rey says, squeezing his elbow again. She starts forward, not at all caring where she’s going, just that she needs to move.

Her brain is whirling with thoughts. Yes, Finn the android definitely loved whoever it was behind the camera. 

Rey lets go of Ben’s elbow and then links her right arm with his left. He leans into her a bit, which both startles her but also...doesn’t startle her at all.

And he is warm against her.

**

“I’ve invited Armitage Hux over for dinner this evening.”

In one sentence grandfather has managed to ruin her entire day, just like she knew he would.

He’d let her leave the house yesterday and now he’s pulling  _ this _ . 

Palpatine had slammed his cane against the dining room floor at Rey’s first protest. “Armitage Hux is a smart, accomplished young man. You would do well to _ get to know him _ , my dear. He would be a good match for you.”

The retort flies out of Rey’s mouth before she can consider the consequences. “A good match? I didn’t realize we were in the Austen era.”

In a flash grandfather picks up his half-full cup of tea and flings it at her.

**

The tea scalded Rey’s right arm, the burn tender but thankfully not too terrible. 

That’s what Ben is assuring her as he tends to her arm in her bathroom. He’s rinsing Rey’s burned arm with such tenderness she could cry. The cool water soothes her burn, and she watches raptly as he turns the water off, instructs her to keep her arm elevated while he finds clean bandages.

So Rey stands in her bathroom, seared arm raised, and looks at herself in the mirror. She looks like a wild thing, someone on the cusp of something great or something that is nothing at all.

When Ben returns with clean cloths for her arm, she meets his eyes and parts her lips. “Tell me another poem.”

Ben takes her injured arm between his large, warm hands. “The same poet?”

“I don’t care.” She’s smiling in full now, teasing him a little. She waits for his words, for his voice. 

He doesn’t look at her at first, like he is anxious. But then he begins. “I like for you to be still. It is as though you were absent and you hear me from far away and my voice does not touch you. It seems as though your eyes had flown away and it seems that a kiss had sealed your mouth.”

Ben is still wrapping her arm, but Rey gazes at his mouth. What it might be like to lean in and  _ actually _ seal her mouth with his kiss. His lips would surely be as warm as the rest of him.

She goes as far as to lick her own lips, and she does not imagine the way Ben’s eyes briefly flick to them, how his gaze fixates for but a moment.

He continues, voice more soothing than the cool water has been against her burn. “As all things are filled with my soul, you emerge from the things filled with my soul. You are like my soul, a butterfly of a dream, and you are like the word Melancholy.”

Ben catches her eye now, tugging the last bit of bandage into place. “I like for you to be still, and you seem far away. It seems as though you were lamenting, a butterfly cooing like a dove. And you hear me from far away, and my voice does not reach you. Let me come down and be still in your silence.”

The android does not let go of her hand. He visibly swallows, an odd thing for a machine to do. “There is more, if you would like to hear the rest.”

Rey entwines her fingers with his own. “I would.”

Ben shifts closer to her. “And let me talk to you with your silence that is as bright as a lamp, as simple as a ring. You are like the night with its stillness and constellations. Your silence is that of a star, as remote and candid.”

He touches her hair, tucks some of it behind her ear. His LED is a lovely blue as he finishes the poem. “I like for you to be still. It is as though you were absent, distant and full of sorrow as though you had died.” Ben pauses here, brown eyes a little wide. “One word then, one smile, is enough. And I am happy, happy that it’s not true.”

Rey lets go of his hand, steps forward, and wraps her arms around him.

The android immediately goes still beneath her touch, and Rey realizes that he’s probably never been embraced before. This makes her tighten her hold. And he is  _ so _ warm, heat emanating from his body. She could snuggle against him forever.

Slowly, ever so slowly, his muscular arms come up to wrap around her. Ben yanks her closer, perhaps a little too roughly but Rey basks in it, basks in the fact that he’s returning her embrace. He pushes his face against the top of her head, inhaling even though he doesn’t have to breathe, as if bathing in the scent of her hair.

“Rey,” he breathes out, and she begins to tremble.

Ben pulls her body impossibly closer to him. “Please…” He’s got her tucked against his chest, and Rey can’t quite lean back enough to peer at Ben’s face.

“Please,” he pleads again, and his hand reaches up to ghost over her now bandaged arm. “Please...don’t.” He sounds anguised.

The android is anguished over her.

_ He’s not an android _ , Rey realizes.  _ He’s alive _ . The truth of it hits her like a punch in the stomach. She can hardly breathe with it.

Rey begins nodding into his chest. “It’s okay, Ben.” Her soothing words are muffled against his shirt. “I’ll be okay.”

But it feels like a lie.

And when car headlights light up the darkening bathroom announcing Hux’s arrival Ben begins to pull away from her. Despite his desperation moments ago, his face is now carefully blank, LED wheel spinning yellow.

He steps away, and when he’s no longer touching her Rey feels bereft. 

“Please,” he says once more, voice low and soft. Rey isn’t really sure what he’s asking of her, and she has a hunch Ben isn’t so sure either. He turns to leave.

“Wait!” Rey steps toward him, hand reaching out. But she doesn’t quite touch him. “Was that poem your favorite?”

His face is shadowed. “No. I do not have a favorite, Rey.” There it is again, that anguish. “I am a machine.”

Then he leaves her alone in her bathroom.

**

One advantage to grandfather wanting Rey to dress conservatively is that there’s no skin for Hux to leer over.

They sit at the dining table, Rey next to Hux and grandfather sitting across from them both. The two are discussing business and Rey checks out for a bit, running her fingertips over the silverware set out for their upcoming meal.

Then grandfather asks something that piques her interest.

“Surely you’re going to recall that malfunctioning FN-2187 that’s been parading itself all over the news.”

Hux freezes besides Rey, suddenly very uncomfortable. His unease makes Rey’s mouth curve up a bit in pleasure.

“My father has contacted the owner of that particular FN-2187, but Mr. Dameron does not wish to return him.” Hux links his fingers together on top of the table, not quite able to meet Palpatine’s gaze.

Grandfather looks appalled. “The owner wishes to keep a defective android?”

“They have...developed a relationship.” Hux’s cheeks now match the color of his red hair. “There isn’t much father and I can—”

He’s interrupted by Ben coming through the door that leads to the kitchen, pushing a cart packed with delicious looking spaghetti. Simple, probably requested by grandfather. But Rey’s stomach starts growling for it all the same.

Ben places a dish in front of grandfather first, then serves Hux. Rey is the last to get her meal, but she understands that he’s following protocol. 

And yet, Rey manages to fuck everything up the moment the android sets her steaming plate down in front of her.

“Thank you, Ben,” Rey says, picking up her fork and swirling it into the pasta. She doesn’t bother to wait for everyone else to start eating as she shoves a forkful into her mouth. It’s fucking perfect, who knew an android who can’t eat could create such wonderful meals?

It takes her a couple of bites to realize that the entire room is silent, that she’s the only one eating, and that the two men and android are all staring right at her.

Was it something she said?

“You’ve named it?” Grandfather sounds...cold. So cold it’s practically toneless, like touching ice that leaves your skin numb.

Rey stills, slowly placing her fork down in her dish. “I...yes. It felt wrong to call him - to call him  _ nothing _ . Because he’s not nothing.” Rey sucks in a breath, feeling a fleeting surge of strength. “And he’s not an _ it _ .”

It’s Hux who speaks up next. “Rey, KR-400 is a manmade machine. It is an _ it  _ because it is not alive. It might look like a man, speak like a man, and move like a man. But it is  _ not _ a man. Not like me and your grandfather.” He turns in his seat and looks at Ben, who has taken up his usual spot in the corner of the dining room. 

Hux beckons him over. “KR, what is your purpose?”

When he speaks, Ben’s voice is a mechanical tone that Rey has never heard him use before. “To serve the household of Sheev Palpatine, whatever that may entail.”

Hux glances back at Rey, already smug over whatever he’s going to ask next. “And can you feel, KR?”

Ben answers immediately. “No. I am a machine. I feel nothing.”

“And yet,” grandfather interrupts smoothly. “You do spend an awful amount of time with my granddaughter.”

And now everyone in the room is staring expectantly at Ben. Rey can feel the few bites of pasta already souring in her stomach. She’d already known that tonight would be difficult, but—

Ben speaks again in that robotic tone. “I am to serve the household of Sheev Palpatine, whatever that may entail. Rey Palpatine is lonely. I observe human emotion and can mimic it to provide comfort, so I do so when needed.”

Ben doesn’t look at her as he states this. In fact it seems like he’s looking at nothing and no one at all, gaze and expression blank.

Maybe...maybe he really is just a machine after all.

Something breaks in her chest. How pathetic she must be, that she’s so sad and desperate for companionship that even the android took pity on her. Everything he’s done for her can be easily explained by him simply following his programming.

Rey feels ill. She’s going to be sick.

She stands from the table and immediately marches out, despite the furious shouts from her grandfather. She’ll get it tomorrow, she’s sure.

But she just doesn’t fucking care anymore.

**

Amilyn Holdo tilts her head, analyzing Finn with one intelligent look. Their interview time is almost up. She can see a producer tapping their wrist behind the camera.

“And when did you start to believe that you were alive?”

Finn shrugs one shoulder, eyebrows furrowing as he thinks. “When I’d do things, human things, that technically didn’t match with what I was programmed to do. When I began to react against my initial HuxTech coding—“

“Do you have a specific example?”

“Sure. I knew I might be alive when I started to lie.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy oh boy! Wonder what all this could mean? Poor Rey. Poor Ben, maybe.
> 
> Once again, thanks so much for everyone's lovely responses! I absolutely love reading your comments and am happy to see y'all seem to be enjoying this story as much as I'm enjoying writing it!
> 
> I have [twitter](https://twitter.com/LikeADove_) and [tumblr](https://likeadove.tumblr.com/). Feel free to come say hello!
> 
> If you liked let me know?


	4. four

Rey is once again avoiding the android.

Unlike last time, when she’d avoided him because he was something new and hopeful in her life and she didn’t know what to make of it, this time seeing him just fills her with righteous anger. And shame.

Anger, that Ben had mimicked human emotion to the point where his actions seemed  _ real _ . Shame, that she had fallen for it. That she had forgotten that he is truly a machine.

The revelation leaves a bitter taste in her mouth, and for the first few days after the dinner with Armitage, Rey doesn’t eat much.

When Ben expresses concern over this, Rey nearly rips his head off.

They’d been passing each other in the hallway, Rey heading downstairs to the gardens for a breath of fresh air and Ben heading to do whatever-the-fuck. She’d been content on ignoring him entirely as he made his way by her, but he’d reached out and gently caught her elbow.

She’d torn her arm from his touch immediately, choosing not to process that Ben’s skin is both brilliantly warm and that his LED light flickers red.

The expression on Ben’s face is careful.

“Rey, I’ve noticed that you’ve only eaten about thirty-percent of the meals I’ve served over the last few days—”

“Shut the fuck up,” Rey snaps, instantly seething. “Like you actually give a shit about whether or not I eat.”

His eyes, and it still seems like they’re  _ brimming _ and not vacant, search her face, expression not so careful anymore. “Rey—”

“You said it yourself,” she interrupts. “You’re just a machine. You can’t _ feel _ anything. And that includes concern.”

She quickly moves around him, grateful that he doesn’t make any moves to stop her this time. But still, as she reaches the stairs and begins to descend them, she feels those ever brimming eyes of his burning into her back. 

As if watching her is important.

**

Rey gets a hankering late one evening, after she’s already had her regular dinner with grandfather and is technically supposed to be in bed.

She creeps out of her room, a little high because she’s pooped a few painkillers, but still careful to make as little noise as possible as she sneaks down the stairs. She’d opened a hologram in her room and watched Tano-8383 bake what looked like something that Rey could definitely recreate herself. The android was programmed to bake and to teach baking in the most simplistic ways possible. The android and her videos have been viral on the internet for years.

Perhaps it’s a mixture of the painkillers and being cooped up in this house for weeks on end, but Rey is feeling overconfident in her own baking abilities right now. Even though she’s never really baked before. 

She manages to make it into the kitchen without causing too much noise, not enough to wake grandfather anyway, and sets about scavenging the fridge and pantry to bake her impromptu cake. She finds the flour, salt, the eggs, the vanilla extract, the butter, the milk…

She has to pull up the hologram to double check that she has everything, before preheating the oven and finding mixing bowls.

It’s when she’s having to mix her ingredients does Rey discover she’s perhaps too high to do this well. Her body feels heavy and she pokes her tongue out, concentrating very, very hard on pouring the precise amount of milk into the measuring cup—

“Rey?”

She yips, startled, and milk spills everywhere.

“Ben!” she exclaims, whipping around to face him. He’s standing at the entrance to grandfather’s luxurious kitchen, looking too put together considering the late hour. His LED light whirls yellow as he takes in what she’s doing, sweeping his gaze over the flour coated countertops and preheating oven.

“I would ask what you’re up to in the kitchen at this hour, but it seems you’re baking a...cake?”

Rey bristles, not entirely sure if he’s being snide or not. Except he can’t be snide, can he? He’s a fucking machine.

“Yes,” she grumbles, turning back to the now milk splattered countertop. She starts to repour the milk she needs into the measuring cup. “I  _ am _ baking a cake. Not that it’s any of your fucking buisness.”

Rey isn’t sure what she’s expecting him to do next, to be honest.

But it certainly isn’t for Ben to nod, roll up his sleeves, and say, “Would you like some help?”

Rey dumps the measured milk into the mixing bowl, dumbfounded. She recovers quickly, covering her taken aback face with a frown before cracking the needed eggs. She adds them into the bowl with perhaps more force than is necessary.

“ _ No _ ,” she bites out, refusing to look at him as she says so.

She hopes he knows how upset she currently is with him, how much she doesn’t want him around.

Except he lingers, and her irritation boils until she huffs and throws her hands up, getting a bit of fresh batter onto the microwave. “Well, we’ve established I’m baking a cake. Can you _ fuck off _ now?”

“No.”

She finally looks at him and is a twinge surprised at the resolute set of his jaw. Rey can already tell that he’s not going to budge at all. She still asks him why.

“Because you’re not sober and I want to make sure you don’t do anything to cause yourself harm,” he states, serious and unblinking.

Rey forces herself not to pout because the android isn’t  _ technically _ wrong. She goes back to the bowl, moving into the set rhythm of mixing up a batter. This goes on for a minute or so.

“You’re going to overmix it.”

She freezes, turns her gaze up to him with an exasperated expression. “Really?”

“Cake batter won’t rise properly if you overmix it,” Ben says, matter-of-fact.

“You know what? Just,  _ shut up _ . In fact…” she hesitates briefly, because if she asks him what’s on the tip of her tongue well… It’ll be a step back into naivete. “Tell me another poem. You know,” she waves her spatula for emphasis, though she has a suspicion Ben already understands, “from that book of poetry you picked out.”

Ben watches her for a long moment, clearly processing.

When he begins speaking, he sounds bored. “Maru Mori brought me a pair of socks which she knitted herself with her sheepherder’s hands, two socks as soft as rabbits. I slipped my feet into them, as if they were two cases knitted with threads of twilight and goatskin.”

Rey stops mixing to peer up at him, lips pressed together. Is this poem seriously about socks?

“Violent socks,” Ben continues, still sounding robotic, “my feet were two fish made of wool, two long sharks, sea blue by one golden thread. Two immense blackbirds, two cannons, my feet were honored in this way by these heavenly socks.”

It’s seriously about socks and Rey’s grip on the spatula tightens.

“They were so handsome, for the first time my feet seemed to me unacceptable, like two decrepit firemen, firemen unworthy of that woven fire, of those glowing socks.”

Then Ben abruptly stops.

Fuming, Rey returns to aggressively stirring her cake batter. It’s thickened to the point where Rey suspects she really has overmixed it, and this just fuels her annoyance all the more.

“Is that one your favorite?” she asks, tone full of contempt. And to think, that the last couple of times he recited poems to her she’d been practically a puddle of need on the floor afterward.

“Nope.”

He doesn’t elaborate further like he’s done the times before. No _ I do not have a favorite _ . No  _ I am a machine _ .

Rey feels her lips part, feels her overzealous stirring stop entirely. Her mind is having trouble making sense of what just happened. The poem being about fucking socks when the others had made her soul  _ ache _ ? And then the casual ‘nope’…

Ben the android is messing with her.

And Rey is suddenly stricken, with confusion and an incomprehensible tinge of  _ hurt _ and she shoves away the mixing bowl, overwhelmed by the entire situation.

At her sudden strickenness it is if Ben is stricken too. His expression doesn’t change, but at the way Rey’s face suddenly falls the LED on his forehead starts spinning red. And stays that way.

“Rey—8”

But she’s already dashed out of the kitchen.

**

The next day, after she gets out of the shower, there is a beautiful, wonderful smelling cake sitting on her desk in her bedroom. It’s covered in a generous amount of buttercream icing (her favorite) as well as delicately crafted lace patterns and flower petals.

  
  


Whoever made this took their time to create something beautiful for her. 

And Rey knows exactly who made it.

She ignores the generously provided serving knife and paper plate for quite some time, instead staring at her cake and soaking in the potential meaning of it. Taking photos and memorizing it’s sweet aroma. 

When she finally cuts herself a piece, the first bite is heavenly.

And all for her.

**

Ben’s allotted quarters are…

Small.

Rey finds the android one evening in the tiny space that Palpatine has allowed Ben to have for his own. A place to keep his clothes the canisters of blue bio-liquid that serves as his blood, and any special equipment the android might need to repair himself. The room is so small it might as well be a closet. In fact, Rey is fairly sure it was one before Ben arrived.

She’d knocked on Ben’s door awkwardly, had found herself trembling when the android had opened it.

He doesn’t look surprised to see her, necessarily, but  _ something _ flickers in that brown gaze of his.

“Rey.”

“Um…” Already she finds herself faltering, her tongue feeling thick and heavy in her mouth. “Can I come in?” she asks to stall time.

And to think, she’d had a whole speech prepared and ready when she’d left the safety of her room to walk here.

When he steps aside and gestures for her to come into his little room, she feels a slightly lightheaded.

Swallowing, she moves into his room and takes in a deep breath as Ben closes the door behind the both of them. Maybe if she just blurts it out—

“I love the cake you made me the other day.” 

It’s not quite how she meant to start this conversation, but it’ll do.

There’s nowhere to sit in Ben’s room, really. Which makes sense given that he has no true need to sit or lie down for rest, so Rey finds herself standing next to his bookshelf stocked neatly with blue blood. Ben stands a few feet in front of her, nearly touching the wall on the other side of the room. Cramped quarters indeed. 

His LED light flickers between yellow and blue, and Rey finds this reassuring.

“It was delicious,” she continues. “So were the brownies you made the night after, and the whole egg custard pie the night after that, and last night’s rainbow macarons were also, um, amazing.”

His light settles on blue.

“But—”

Yellow again.

“—I’m kind of running out of space in my room for them. Plus I’m having trouble finishing all of it and am having to throw some of it away, which I  _ hate _ —”

“Statistically speaking,” Ben smoothly interrupts, “you are ninety-seven percent likely to eat an entire dessert whole instead of a single serving.”

“Right.” Rey can’t help but smile a bit at him - he sounds so sure of himself. “I do love desserts.” She tucks a stray lock of hair behind her ear nervously. “Maybe we can make it a once a week thing?”

The android stares down at her intensely for several moments before nodding slowly. “Alright. Every Friday evening, then.”

“Ok.”

And Ben smiles back.

It’s very hesitant, all in all, but the curve of his mouth is unmistakable. As if her smile has inspired his own. It helps give her the courage to say what she truly came here to say.

Rey clears her throat, shifts her weight between her feet, taps her fingers together. Ben speaks before she can even open her mouth.

“Is there something else you want to say?” His eyes move over her, as if trying to decipher if something is wrong, as if he truly  _ is _ concerned. 

He simply mimics emotions, he said so himself.

However…

“I don’t care.” She winces at the fact that she’s blurted out something important again. Thankfully, Ben gives her the time to collect herself. He seems closer to her, somehow, as if one of them unknowingly stepped toward the other.

“I don’t care if it’s fake.” Rey gestures between the two of them. “I don’t care if you’re just a machine. If everything you do really is just programming and not something  _ real _ . I don’t fucking care anymore.”

Is Ben’s breathing a little erratic? That makes no sense because…

Rey doesn’t dwell on it.

“You might be plastic but you...you…” She can’t quite keep the tears from pricking the back of her eyes. “Ben, you’re  _ kind _ to me,” she says brokenly. “You’re kind to me when no one else is. You make me feel like someone _ cares _ about me. And I haven’t...I can’t remember the last time someone cared about me, truly cared.” Rey keeps her voice from wavering, but a tear still escapes and slips down her freckled cheek. “Even I don’t really care about me.”

And suddenly Ben is right there, right in front of her, and Rey isn’t sure who moved closer to who. The android’s LED light is a steady, deep blue, and Rey searches Ben’s face as he reaches out and catches her tear on the tip of his finger. 

He looks like he would be crying too, if he could.

Then he swiftly sucks the tear into his mouth, eyes never leaving her own.

Rey is silent and still for a beat, shocked. “Why did you do that?”

“Do what?” Ben shuffles closer to her.

“Why did you drink my tear?” That’s not a question she thought she’d be asking this evening.

He tilts his head as he regards her, curves his lips at her again in that almost smile. “I wanted to know what you tasted like.”

His words curl low and hot in Rey’s belly and she surges forward without thinking, grabbing his shoulders and getting up on her tip-toes, moving her head to the side slightly, parting her lips—

Rey’s mouth lands on Ben’s chin.

When she quickly pulls back, cheeks flaming, she finds Ben with a wild, wide eyed expression. His LED light bounces between blue, yellow, and  _ red _ , and Rey briefly fears he’s short circuiting.

“What are you doing?” he asks, warm breath ghosting over her forehead.

“I’m…”

This is terribly embarrassing.

Sighing, Rey begins to pull away entirely. “I was trying to kiss you,” she grumbles, releasing his shoulders. “You’re um, pretty tall so I couldn’t actually reach your mouth. You’re kinda supposed to meet me halfway but we don’t—”

Ben cuts her off by bending down and kissing her swiftly.

For a solid few seconds Rey’s entire brain whites out, as if she’s been struck with a bolt of lightning. Perhaps she has. It’s Ben hand cupping her cheek that brings her back into the present. She gasps into his mouth and he moves to spread his long fingers around the back of her neck, gently holding her in place as he kisses her.

_ As Ben kisses her _ .

Rey gasps again and his tongue pushes past her parted lips.

He might not have ever done this before but he has access to basically everything, and he kisses her like maybe he knows a little bit about what he’s doing. Ben backs her into the wall, other hand moving to spread across her hip, keeping her captured and flush against his body. He sucks her bottom lip into his mouth and works it between his teeth which  _ what in the actual fuck _ how is the android so much better at this than her, Rey, who admittedly has only kissed one other boy and that was five years ago when she was still homeless—

She breaks away from him, breathing heavily, fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt. “I—holy shit.”

Rey can’t quite tell if Ben looks smug. “Would you like for me to kiss you again?” He still hasn’t let go of her neck and hip and his LED light is a shade of light blue that Rey has never seen before.

Rey doesn’t even think twice. She opens her mouth to say  _ yes _ , and that he can touch more of her if he wants, touch any part of her—

His fingers twitch against her once, and then he’s pulling away, face blank and light yellow again.

“I have to administer medication to your grandfather.” His voice is resolute...almost sad.

Rey nods, slumping against the wall a bit as Ben finally releases her and steps away. Her thoughts tumble around in her head erratically, and she’s having trouble formulating any words. It’s a feat that becomes even more difficult when Ben offers to come to her room later.

“I can come to you and kiss you again, if you’d like.” His eyes aren’t just brimming anymore. They’re positively alight with...with…

With life.

“I might be asleep,” Rey confesses, although truly she needs the rest of the evening to process what the hell just happened and how it changes  _ everything _ . 

Ben nods, swallowing even though he doesn’t need to.

“But tomorrow,” Rey states firmly. “Tomorrow you can kiss me again.”

“Okay.” Ben smiles.

“Okay.” Rey smiles back.

**

The next morning Rey actually puts effort into her appearance for breakfast.

She puts on a sweater that was actually hanging up in her closet, a miracle, with nice leggings that make her ass look good. She brushes her hair, washes her face, and actually puts on a little makeup.

She looks pretty, but more importantly she  _ feels _ pretty.

When Rey walks into the dining room and sees how pale and sickly grandfather looks, despite how nicely he is dressed, she wishes she hadn’t bothered looking nice at all.

Grandfather is the meanest on the days he feels the sickest, and Rey has drawn attention to herself just by putting on mascara.

Ben is still in the kitchen preparing their meal, so Rey attempts to act casual as she takes her seat. Palpatine always sits at the head of the table, so Rey pulls out the chair to his left, the seat that will technically be closer to Ben and the his usual corner station.

Grandfather glares at her as she sits down before coughing loudly into an old-fashioned handkerchief. Rey barely manages not to wince at how wet his cough sounds, instead choosing to stare down at the pristine tableware.

The door leading to the kitchen swings open and Ben comes out, pushing the typical cart and looking as alert and well put-together as he always does. The android briefly glances at Rey, and while he doesn’t necessarily smile something shifts in his eyes. 

Ben is pleased to see her. 

He wishes both grandfather and herself good morning before serving them their breakfast dishes. Omelettes this time, with hash browns the android fried himself. 

It smells incredible. Grandfather slowly picks up his fork, eyes focusing on his food, and Rey feels herself relax a little into her chair. If Palpatine is intent to eat his breakfast, then perhaps he won’t make any remarks about why, and who for, she’s dressed up. 

Rey quickly sets about putting her cloth napkin in her lap before grabbing her own fork and taking a bite of the omelette Ben made for her. It’s delightful, with plenty of peppers and sausage and extra cheese, just how she likes it. 

She eats so eagerly the first bite burns the roof of her mouth. 

After swallowing, Rey turns in her seat toward Ben and says, “This is so good, thank you!”

She’s careful not to call Ben by his name. Not in front of grandfather. She won’t be making that mistake again. 

When Rey turns back to her plate she realizes that grandfather has gone still. The bite of omelette she just took instantly sours in the pit of her stomach. 

“You dressed nice for the android, didn’t you, Rachel?” Grandfather asks the question casually, not bothering to look at her as he does so. He uses his fork to slowly and primly scoop hash browns into his mouth then, chewing, puts the fork down and looks up at her. Rey is struck then by how grandfather’s gaze looks so different from Ben’s. Whereas Ben’s eyes now brim with  _ life _ , with  _ feeling _ , Palpatine’s don’t really hold much at all. Just cruelty. 

Grandfather slams his fist down on the table when Rey doesn’t answer him right away, causing all the tableware to rattle. “Don’t bother denying it, you ignorant little slut. I told you the day the machine arrived that if you wanted to  _ fuck _ a piece of  _ plastic _ you could go to the sex shop.”

“I’m not  _ fucking— _ “ Rey begins to splutter out, but the old man has worked himself into a tangent. 

“The RN-400 is  _ mine _ , Rachel. A gift given to  _ me _ . He follows  _ my _ orders, not yours. He is  _ not _ for you!” Palpatine slams his fist down on the tabletop once again before turning to regard Ben. The android is staring resolutely at the wall, LED light spinning yellow. It strikes Rey as slightly suspect, that he’s not reacting at all. 

And then it hits her - Ben is hiding his feelings. 

Grandfather gestures for Ben to move over to them. “In fact, let me show you something, Rachel. RN, pour that glass of water over my ungrateful granddaughter’s head.” 

Without a moment’s hesitation, Ben steps right up to Rey, grabs her glass of ice water and dumps it on top of her head. She gasps as the water hits her, as ice cubes fall into her lap, as droplets of icy water trickle down into her eyes. Her makeup is running. Rey doesn’t have to look in a mirror to know. 

Ben calmly places the now empty glass back on the table. When he looks down at Rey, who is now dripping because of him, his expression is carefully blank. “Would you like an extra napkin—“

“Now backhand her.”

Everyone in the room goes suddenly still. 

For a moment Rey is shocked that her grandfather would go this far. But then she’s not shocked at all, really. In fact, her shock at her grandfather’s request morphs into shock that he hasn’t asked Ben to harm her before now. 

At least Ben can help her tend to whatever damage he causes, Rey thinks to herself bitterly. Her shoulders slump in defeat and when she looks up at Ben, wet hair still sticking to her face, she sees that defeat reflected back at her. 

The light on his forehead is turning red when Ben looks to grandfather. The android swallows. “No.”

“No?” Palpatine leans back in his chair, pressing his fingertips together and looking...amused. 

Fucking  _ amused _ . 

“No,” Ben repeats quietly. “I—“

But grandfather silences him with one raised hand. “Do not try to rationalize it. You have disregarded a direct order from me.” The old man motions toward his cane where it’s leaning up against the wall. Ben swiftly grabs it and hands it to him. For one brief, horrible second, Rey thinks grandfather is going to use the cane on her. But instead he uses it for its intention and begins push himself out of his seat before hobbling out of the dining room, food barely touched. 

“RN, summon Brendol Hux and that son of his. Tell them both to be here within the hour. Now, help me to my study.” The old man doesn’t even look back at Ben as he leaves expecting the android to quickly catch up to him. 

Ben’s LED light goes from red to yellow as he taps a finger to his forehead, sending off a message. Then he moves quickly after grandfather, giving Rey only one glance as he leaves. The look in his eye makes Rey feel positively ill. 

Because it’s a look full of fear. 

**

The second Rey gets back to her room she strips out of her nicer clothes, sobbing. After she calms herself down she scrubs herself clean and then climbs into something far more casual. 

The Huxes arrive within the hour, like grandfather requested. 

Their van is still parked in front of the manor hours later, when Rey receives a message from grandfather to come downstairs and have dinner with himself, Brendol, and Armitage. No word about or from Ben, and Rey wants to vomit because of it. 

She doesn’t bother to change back into nicer clothes before leaving her room, relishing in the fact that this will surely upset Palpatine. When she enters the dining room, barefoot and with her hair down, she expects grandfather’s features to twist with displeasure. 

Instead he looks absolutely delighted to see her. He waves her into the room and points toward an empty seat, where Ben, looking the same as he did this morning, is setting the table. 

“RN, introduce yourself to my granddaughter.”

Ben turns toward her, LED light yellow and a perfectly polite look on her face. He reaches for her hand and doesn’t look at all perturbed when Rey doesn’t take it. 

Because Ben’s eyes are vacant, no longer  _ brimming _ . 

Her android has been wiped. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELP 😬😬😬😭👀
> 
> I’m so sorry this update is late, my niece was born and then my laptop started acting up, so it’s been an interesting week.
> 
> I once again cannot thank y’all enough for y’all’s support for this fic! I truly enjoy reading y’all’s thoughts on this story so much. 
> 
> Come yell at me on [twitter](https://likeadove.tumblr.com/%E2%80%9C>tumblr</a>%20and%20<a%20href=).
> 
> If you liked let me know?


	5. five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LIVE!

Rey refuses to leave her room for two days.

She spends the majority of that time attempting to smother her emotions in a painkiller induced stupor, a fog to cover her fury.

Her fury, and her heartbreak.

Because the understanding that Ben,  _ her _ Ben, is gone is a pain that smarts against every part of her. The first real connection she’d had with another living being in years just... _ gone _ . Wiped away over the course of a single afternoon. She feels foolish for even allowing herself to develop feelings for something that was always so very finite.

This ever growing foolishness is what pushes her downstairs the third day after grandfather had Ben wiped. Maybe she really is just as pathetic as grandfather has always accused her of being. Truly only pathetic people grow so attached to machines.

Ben is and always had been, after all, a machine.

She walks into the dining room for breakfast at the appropriate time and dressed as sensibly as she could be, considering she’s still a little bit high from her pill popping the night before. Rey doesn’t even have to announce herself to her grandfather - the loud growling of her stomach at the smell of pancakes manages to do it for her.

Grandfather Palpatine watches her take her seat to his left with a sinister gleam in his eye. “You’ve finally stopped throwing that ridiculous tantrum of yours, I see.”

“I wasn’t throwing a tantrum,” she counters. But Rey’s voice is scratchy and a little thin from not speaking the past couple of days, so her statement sounds weak even to her.

“Refusing to leave your room because you didn’t get to fuck the plastic like you wanted to  _ is _ throwing a tantrum, my dear.” Palpatine looks gleeful at the instant way Rey’s cheeks flush bright red, then the glee sours into something darker. “You’re a spoiled nuisance who turned into a childish brat the moment I didn’t give you what you wanted, and you’ll do well not to repeat that performance.”

Rey wants to argue, wants to scream and throw grandfather’s teacup against the wall, wants slam his head down onto the table over and over and over until he’s--

“You stink,” grandfather snaps sharply. 

The violent urge dissipates as Rey all but visibly deflates, as if she’s a balloon and grandfather just stuck a pin in her.

“Did you not bother to clean yourself in the midst of your tantrum? I suppose basic hygiene is a lot to ask from someone as worthless as you, Rachel.”

Rey manages to keep tears from forming in her eyes through sheer force of will. The truth is she  _ hasn’t _ showered in the past few days. She’d been too depressed to climb into her shower and bathe. It took nearly all of her energy to brush her teeth, pull her greasy hair into a bun, and put on deodorant and clean clothes for breakfast this morning.

She manages to keep her eyes focused down on the table, determined not to show grandfather how his comments on her smell actually hurt. Besides, a moment later Ben comes through the swinging doors that lead into the kitchen, pushing a cart laden with Rey and Palpatine’s breakfast. There are two stacks of pancakes, one regular and the other chocolate chip, Rey’s favorite. They smell amazing, but Rey can’t pull her gaze away from Ben even if she wanted to.

Or, at least, the android that used to be Ben. The color wheel at his forehead is yellow as always, and he looks the same, technically.

But the way he smiles politely at her and wishes her good morning... there’s something off.

Rey feels her heart sink into the empty pit of her stomach. Her hands curl into fists at the nasty flash of hatred she feels toward grandfather for what he’s stolen from her. For what he’s stolen from her Ben. She glares down at the table as the android piles regular pancakes and fluffy scrambled eggs onto Palpatine’s plate.

“I think you’ll find, Rachel, that this version of KR is vastly better than the first. Brendol has improved it with cutting edge technology, cleaned up some of it’s programming, flipped a few switches.” He speaks of Ben’s wiping as if it was a necessary upgrade and not a way to punish her. Palpatine waves away Ben as the android goes to top off his coffee, so the machine begins to serve Rey.

“Already,” grandfather continues, taking a bite of his eggs, “the machine has shown less of an interest in  _ baking _ and more of an interest in business. I’ve been allowing him to sit in on phone calls and holo-board meetings. He already seems to understand the runnings of my company better than you ever have.”

The insult should sting, but the truth is that grandfather has never bothered to show her the ins and outs of the business he built from the ground up back in his youth. Rey has always been okay with this, secretly suspecting that the majority of grandfather’s success stems from keeping his hands bloodied.

She stays silent as Ben places chocolate chip pancakes on her plate. Despite the miserable way she feels, she really is quite hungry. Ben has made pancakes before and they were delicious. Rey isn’t sure if him being wiped would affect the way that he cooks, but based on how delicious they smell she suspects not. The pancakes look too wonderful to possibly be  _ bad _ . She grabs her fork, impatience growing and preparing to dive in, when Ben does something odd.

He places a saucer of peanut butter by her plate, a knife for spreading resting on top.

Every muscle inside Rey’s body freezes for a second before she forces herself to continue acting like everything is normal.

The first time Ben had ever made pancakes he hadn’t known that she likes to spread peanut butter on chocolate chip pancakes. She’d asked for some and the android had looked at her like she had two heads. That was back during his first week living with them, when he was still getting used to her occasionally odd food requests. 

Swallowing, Rey pushes the saucer of creamy peanut butter toward her plate for easy access, giving Ben a curt ‘thank you’. Grandfather looks pleased as he continues tucking into his meal, as if Rey’s curt dismissal is because she’s still upset about Ben’s wiping.

Which she is, of course, but that’s not why her hand is shaking when she begins to spread the peanut butter over her pancakes. 

It’s because Ben remembered something.

**

Rey eats until she’s so full she’s sleepy, despite it still being morning.

She thanks Ben again once her plate is empty, words practically a slur as she sighs with brief contentment. She blinks up at the android as he moves to clear away her plate and he blinks down at the table, expression still polite and LED wheel still yellow.

“You’re welcome.” His deep voice moves over her as he gathers the empty saucer as well, placing the used tableware onto the cart to take back into the kitchen. Rey is still watching him, which is why she sees him glance at her and make eye contact, quick as a flash. 

Rey feels the hair on the back of her neck come to attention and she shivers, caught off guard. Her mind begins to dwell on something that grandfather had said earlier that morning, about a  _ switch being flipped _ .

She feels a tendril of anxiety prick at her chest at what that could potentially mean. Clearing her throat, she stands to her feet and stretches, waking up her body so that she can get the hell out of the dining room and back to the domain of her bedroom.

There’s a clattering of noise as a fork is dropped onto the table while being cleared away.

“KR,” grandfather snaps, “leave the dishes for the time being. Escort my granddaughter to her bathroom and ensure she showers.” He levels a cruel, cold look at her. “She still stinks. It’s a miracle she didn’t ruin my breakfast.”

“Of course, sir,” Ben says mechanically, turning to face Rey.

She’s flushing with humiliation, moving quickly and hurrying out of the dining room and away from Palpatine’s hateful words and smiles. She makes her way to the staircase, the android right behind her. She turns her head to snap at him, to tell him to leave her be because she can shower just fine without a babysitter, and he’s not  _ her  _ Ben anyway—

His large, warm hand brushes against the small of her back, giving her a gentle push of momentum as she walks up the stairs. The contact all but makes her stumble. Heat curls in her belly and she feels her breaths come and go a little quicker. She shouldn’t overthink this, his touch probably doesn’t mean anything. He probably thinks he’s just helping, probably thinks—

But he’d remembered the peanut butter, hadn’t he? Maybe it was possible that he also remembered the way she liked it when he would casually touch her.

But then he says, “Come along now, Ms. Palpatine,” and Rey feels her heart break all over again at the easy way her technical name rolls out of his mouth.

She doesn’t correct him, doesn’t even look behind her to see his expression. Rey instead picks up the pace, trotting up the rest of the stairs and down the hallway that leads to her bedroom. Ben’s footsteps fall behind her, easily keeping up, and the way they sound heavier than hers because  _ he _ is heavier than her makes her pulse pound.

Striding into her bedroom, she goes straight for her dresser. “You don’t have to babysit me like I’m a toddler, I can take a shower perfectly fine on my own,” she gripes, grabbing fresh underwear to pull on after she bathes. Rey turns around to face him, not caring anymore if he sees the panties hanging from her hand.

“So you can just…” Rey trails off at the look on Ben’s face.

Some old instinct clicks into place in Rey’s mind, something that tells her to stay very still. As if she’s dealing with something that’s wild, something that could be a danger.

The wheel on Ben’s head is a bright, whirling red as he stares at her, wide eyed, face otherwise blank.

Rey stays perfectly still as his eyes dart from her face to the panties clutched in her right hand, to her unmade bed, to the last batch of mostly eaten brownies he’d made for her before he’d been wiped. It’s like he starts to take stock of her entire bedroom, gaze pinging to different things so quickly and unnaturally and dizzyingly that Rey is forced to look away.

The next time she chances a glance back at his face his eyes are fixated on the window.

“Are you...okay?” Rey asks hesitantly.

Ben tears his gaze away from the window and finally focuses back on her. The blank expression on his face melts into something that is ferocious, fearful, hungry. It’s the most human expression he’s ever made, and it makes Rey slide a tiny step back from him.

Ben's eyes aren’t brimming anymore, they’re  _ burning _ .

Suddenly he moves around her, attention lasering in on the window. He walks right up to it, steps unnaturally fast, and fiddles with the sash lock for a moment.

“It’s jammed,” Rey says, and he briefly glances back at her, then at the jammed window, then back at her once more. “I haven’t been able to open it in weeks.”

Ben gives the sash lock one last poke, as if ensuring himself of something, before stepping away from the window and giving her his full attention again.

“Go take your shower, Rey.”

Rey’s heartbeat skyrockets again at his words. Her name, her  _ name— _

“I’ll be here when you’re done.” His voice is molten, and yet it makes her shiver.

All she can do is nod and obey. She’ll think about the implications of what he’s doing while she’s taking a shower.

**

Rey stays in the shower for nearly an hour. 

She goes through the motions of washing her face, body, and hair mechanically, brain a flutter. 

Ben had remembered the peanut butter at breakfast, and he’d called her by her name, her  _ real name _ . 

And he’d acted real fucking weird when he’d walked into her bedroom, as if he had never seen it before but  _ had _ . Rey thinks on the way he’d hovered by her window, as if to keep himself between it and her. 

Real fucking weird, indeed. 

When the water runs cold and she can’t really dawdle in the shower anymore, Rey climbs out and takes her sweet time toweling herself dry. 

_ “Brendol has improved it with cutting edge technology, cleaned up some of it’s programming, flipped a few switches.” _

Rey is starting to wonder if grandfather hadn’t had the Huxes wipe Ben so much as totally scramble his brain. Swallowing thickly, she pulls on her fresh underwear and a clean oversized t-shirt that hangs just above her knees. She’s pushing her wet hair behind her ears when she finally exits the bathroom and walks back into her bedroom. 

She’s not sure if she’s surprised or not to find Ben still lingering by her window. Rey is starting to lean toward ‘not’. 

The color wheel at Ben’s forehead is still churning red as Ben’s gaze flick to her bare legs than to her face. 

“Well, I’m clean. You can report back to Palpatine now.” She keeps her eyes fixed to his face as she talks and he returns the eye contact with an intense look, as if he can’t help but memorize and take in every single thing that she does. 

When he doesn’t move, doesn’t make to answer her right away, Rey asks him again: “Are you okay?”

Her words seem to break some sort of spell. His wild expression shifts right back into something polite, wheel at his forehead starting to turn yellow again. Rey finds herself longing for when it had been blue. 

He gives her a pleasant smile that’s so fake it makes her skin crawl. “If that’s all that you need from me, Ms. Palpatine.” He briskly steps away from the window, finally, and walks across her bedroom toward the door. 

“Wait!” Rey reaches out a hand, places it briefly on his arm. He stops immediately under her touch, head turning to peer down at where her hand rests against him. 

Rey clears her throat, let’s her hand drop so she can nervously push her wet hair behind her ears again. “Will you recite a poem for me?” She purposefully does not mention that she wants one from the poetry book he picked out for her what seems like forever ago. 

She just wants to see, she has to see. 

“Any poem?” he asks, voice too calm.

Rey nods.

Ben stares at her for a few beats before giving her a brisk nod. His voice comforts her as he begins to recite the poem he’s picked. “Like a flower to its perfume, I am bound to my vague memory of you, I live in pain that is like a wound, if you touch me you will do me irreparable harm.”

Rey sucks in a breath, letting his words wash over her like warm bath water.

“Your caresses enfold me,” he continues, voice somehow even lower than before. “Like climbing vines on melancholy walls. I have forgotten your love, yet I seem to glimpse you in every window.” His lovely brown eyes trail to the window briefly before resting on Rey again.

“Because of you, the heady perfumes of summer pain me. Because of you, I again seek out the signs that precipitates desires, shooting stars to fallen objects.”

The silence that falls after he’s finished is almost sharp it’s so unbearable. Rey breathes out shakily, hands curling into the hem of her t-shirt. “That was...literal,” she says, voice whisper soft. “But thank you for reciting that for me. I love listening to you—”

Ben steps right into her space and runs his thumb along her bottom lip, eyes going a little wide as he marvels at the plushness of it. He traces his other thumb along his own mouth, as if he’s trying to remember their shared kiss from just a few days ago, but not quite grasping it. 

The color wheel spins into a gentle blue. Rey turns her head and kisses his thumb, sucks it quickly into her mouth.

Ben gasps, a sound Rey isn’t sure she’s ever heard him make before, then removes his hand and exits her bedroom so fast it makes her head spin.

**

Rey spends the next hour furiously turning the pages in her copy of  _ The Essential Neruda: Selected Poems  _ searching, searching until she finally finds it toward the back of the collection.

The poem he’d recited for her earlier today, written by the same poet that’d he’d been reciting for her  _ before _ .

Rey throws her head back and laughs in triumph.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sincerely apologize, dear readers, for disappearing on y'all for a few months. (Especially after that cliffhanger, EEPP). I sort of lost my writing mojo for a bit there. But I found my inspiration for this story again and am really pleased with how this chapter turned out!
> 
> You'll probably notice that the chapter count went up again, but we'll definitely have this fic wrapped up by chapter eight. Honestly I might just need seven to finish everything up, but I wanted to give myself some wiggle room.
> 
> So, uh, Ben is a little bit different now, huh? Gee, I wonder if that'll have an effect on things... 👀
> 
> Come find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/LikeADove_) and [tumblr](https://likeadove.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> If you liked let me know?


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